I recently had a dream. Interesting, I know. Here's how it went:
I had to head to church to serve a Mass, but there were no cars for me to use. So I located a generic dirt bike (had an uncanny resemblance to a KTM 125 SX), and rode to church. The road had been transformed into a rally stage, and there were people cutting down the trees around the road with chainsaws and tossing large branches into the road, so I had to dodge those. In addition to that, I had to dodge Tour de France bicyclists, which were heading through that area for no reason whatsoever. This was made difficult by the road surface, which was compacted gravel and felt like the generic post-Apocalyptic-scenario-type road.
I was very late, but eventually got there. There were about 7 other servers there and my size cassock was taken, so I wore one that was two sizes too small. At the Sign of Peace, people started throwing strange orange and purple pieces of paper around. One particularly unruly attendee made a purple one into a paper airplane and struck one of my fellow servers with it, knocking him to the floor. At this point, I realized that something was quite wrong and left.
My bike had been stolen, but the thief had left a Dodge Omni behind, which I utilized for my return trip. The logs and bicyclists had only gotten worse, and now there were lawn tractors spraying freshly cut grass all over the road. I took the smell to be that of chemical weapons, so every time I had to swerve to avoid a bicyclist, I took care to aim for the nearest autonomous tractor. I got home, parked the Omni, and went inside.
Using my extensive skill, knowledge, education, experience, and training in the area of Freudian psychology, I deduce that my dream means.... absolutely nothing. Oh well.
Dear BBC,
ReplyDeleteRecently I had a dream where I was a gunslinging archaeologist. One of my good friends and I were in Egypt and excavating a tomb in the Valley of the Kings when we were attacked by mummies, except the mummies were all the mummies of people I knew. We fought the mummies, and I tried to ask my dad for help, but then he mutated into a half-serpent mummy as well. My friend and I escaped the tomb and jumped into a Chevy Astro as our getaway car.
What does this mean?
Wondering
The fact that you were a gunslinging archaeologist indicates that you like to watch action movies, such as The Mummy or Indiana Jones. Being attacked by mummies points, again, to The Mummy (or a pathological fear of toilet paper). Fighting the mummies means that you know to respond aggressively to an adversary that will not respond to reason (Democrats?), and your father's snake-mummy transformation indicates that you are careful to never trust anyone too much, and that you are ready for even your closest friends to turn on you at any time. Perhaps you are waiting for this, and might even relish it if/when it occurs? I searched my all-encompassing memory banks for Astros being used as getaway cars, and all I found was a bank robbery in Alabama. The choice of a van shows that you were ready to leave with lots of stuff in tow, but usage of an Astro suggests you were on a budget.
ReplyDeleteIn conclusion, I would deduce you, Wondering, are a cash-strapped, action-movie-watching, van-driving and all-around eclectic individual.
Dear BBC,
ReplyDeleteEvery night I have this weird dream where I'm Daphne from Scooby Doo and have to escape flying gelatinous creatures that look like octopi but are made of sour cream. Each time, I jump into the bus only to find that it's being driven by Jimi Hendrix. What does this mean?
Sincerely,
Wondering 2
The fact that you are a character from Scooby Doo means that you really ought to watch less television, particularly Jane Austen adaptations. (trust me, they are related) It is indeed strange that you must escape these creatures, as it seems that perhaps they might be edible. Bring a baked potato with you next time and see if you can scare the creatures away with the thought of being eaten upon a largely hydrous tuber vegetable. If your potato is of insufficient size to destroy one of the creatures, aim for one of the tentacles. Octopi do not function well as septopi.
ReplyDeleteYou attempt to escape these creatures by hopping into a bus. Why is this? I would deduce that it is because you find safety in large things, and you are frightened by small, insignificant things such as octopi. I have another question for you. Is the bus driver always Hendrix? If other Sixties musicians appear sometimes, you may be all right. If it's always Hendrix, you should seek immediate medical attention. Hendrix might be a subconscious sign of an ear disorder caused by too much amp feedback.
In conclusion, your dream means you need to eat more potatoes and Vitamin B-12.